I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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