There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
