sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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