I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
