You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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