and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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