tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
