I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize