i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
