well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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