its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
