He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
