question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
