is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
