I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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