So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
