I will die if light touches me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
