I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
