I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
