I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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