just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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