i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
