Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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