Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
