dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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