i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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