Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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