grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize