you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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