Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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