I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
