I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
