That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
