I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
