you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
