everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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