Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
