So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
