Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
