I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
