We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
