Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
