he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
