Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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