Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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