Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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