I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
