At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
