you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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