I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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