Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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