At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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