The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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