i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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