gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
