I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
