Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
