i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
