I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
