im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
