wat bout pragnant strippers??
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
