that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
